So the leather wasn't actually leather at all.

He is like the shiny shoes you buy at Payless one of those buy one get one deals. They look great for awhile, and serve the purpose of dressing up that dress, or filling in when you are out of town and forgot your favorite black pumps.

Needless to say its all shine and glamour until you are out and he drinks way to much. Then the shoes start to show their true value.

It starts out as a nice evening no expectations. Old friends getting together to visit and catch up. (We had dated briefly a year or so ago, and we had different values. He likes to drink way more then I do. And after running late for one party because he was passed out on the couch I knew it wasn't going to work out between us.) Anyway its a lovely night, and there is a little show going on downtown so I join up with Mr Not Real Leather. We listen to music we laugh and he drinks. A LOT. I realize how far gone he is when he starts slurring every word. That's when I know I will have to drive him home. This is when the shine wears off, and the "leather" starts to fray...

It got tricky when he proceeded to buy me a gift. This is not a request that I had made nor was it the expectation that I had. As I know that we are friends. Mr Not Real Leather literally throws a fit in the street "I can't believe that you won't kiss me after I bought you a gift." And then tosses the gift into the street.

So a lesson has been learned just like those cheap fill in the blank shoes some men lose all their shine after 3-5 wears.

Boutique Shoes

He was like the pair of shoes that you buy in one of the fancy boutiques in those trendy California towns like Santa Barbara, or Sunnyvale. You know that you have paid way to much for the quality, and that everyone will comment on them. They are a little uncomfortable to wear but the attention they garner is worth the pain.

I will never forget how we met, at a coffee shop. He was dressed like he didn't belong in this Idaho town. White linen pants, pink linen shirt. Men don't dress like that here. I was busy working outside in the sunshine on this August day he walked by wide eyed and and chose the table right behind me. I could feel his stare burning a hole into my back so i turned around and asked, "what do you do that makes it so you can sit in a coffee shop all day?"
He answered with some story about how he was buying the Grove Hotel. I believed him. (Much like I believe the pain that these shoes give me will eventually go away if I just wear them one more time.)
Needless to say Phone numbers were exchanged, and I was surprised to meet an attractive, maybe available man. He didn't wear a ring.
And so began the chase.
And he was most definitely not single. He had a live in girlfriend. A relationship that he is in the process of leaving. I believed him. He fell for me-I fell for him. And that is when I settled for cheap toe pinching heal rubbing shoes.

I thought, "these shoes just need some Doctor Scholls inserts that's all, and then they will fit just fine."

Much like you say if I just love him enough he will never hurt me. Never cheat on me, and we will live happily ever after.

After a couple of months the relationship did end. And the shoe inserts helped a little, but I still got blisters on my heal. And it turns out his story about the Hotel? Not true at all. In fact he was unemployed and that is why he could hang out in coffee shops all day.

I guess I will put these shoes on the shelf for now.

Shape Shifter

It is like you are here,

The silence is the same.

The only difference is,

I can't hear you breathing.

You are like sand in my hand.

I feel you drift from me,

Grains at a time.

Sometimes slowly sometimes not.

The wind moves, and I

Reach to hold what little I have of you.

The sand blows around my face, and

Burns my eyes.

I see you.

I feel you there beside me

I move to touch you

Then I realize its not you there at all.

I reach out to save what little

I have left of you.

There is only dust.

There is no keeping you.

There is no saving you.

There is no having you.

I am left loving you alone.